How Should I Feel About My Deployed Boyfriend and His Lack of Communication?

It's completely normal to feel a mix of emotions when your boyfriend is deployed and communication is limited. Here are some feelings and thoughts you might consider:

Worry and Anxiety: You may be concerned about his safety and well-being, which can lead to anxiety about the relationship. Loneliness: The lack of communication can create feelings of isolation and loneliness, especially if you're used to regular contact. Frustration: It's understandable to feel frustrated if you're not receiving the communication you need to feel connected. Understanding: Deployment can be challenging for service members, and they might be dealing with their own stressors that affect their ability to communicate. Support: Consider how you can support him during this time. Sometimes sending messages of encouragement can help. Self-Care: Focus on your own well-being. Engage in activities that make you happy and connect with friends or family for support.

It's important to express your feelings to him when you do communicate. Open dialogue can help both of you navigate this challenging time together. By acknowledging and accepting your feelings, you can move towards understanding and support.

Try to honor and respect your feelings. The ones that make no sense arise out of your own inner fear … usually a lack of self-acceptance. Trying to deny how we feel or attaching shame or judgment to our feelings only creates more internal unhappiness … we cannot feel whole if we do not accept and relax about even what we consider to be our “flaws.” No feelings are “bad feelings” … actions might be “bad,” but feelings themselves are just honest expressions of what we want, need, and fear. Ignore feelings at your own risk.

Understanding His Lack of Communication

His lack of communication is not necessarily a reflection of the relationship. Multiple factors could be at play:

Deployment Challenges: Service members might be dealing with their own stressors that affect their ability to communicate. Communication Devices: He may find it difficult to access communication devices due to the deployment environment. Personality: Many men, especially those who prefer action over words, might not be comfortable with frequent verbal communication. Losing Interest: While it’s important to consider all possibilities, it's also important not to jump to conclusions without evidence.

Using the Time Apart for Personal Growth

Much of what we believe we need from a partner is built on the initial excitement of new relationships. However, when that wears off, we often find ourselves dissatisfied. Realizing that most dating relationships do not last for more than a few years can help set realistic expectations.

Consider using this time apart as an opportunity for personal growth. Here are a few suggestions:

Strengthening Existing Friendships: Cultivate and deepen your existing friendships. They can provide emotional support and companionship. Exploring New Friendships: Make new friends. Engaging with people from different backgrounds and interests can expand your social circle. Chasing Hobbies: Take up new hobbies or skills that interest you. Whether it’s painting, playing an instrument, or learning a language, engaging in activities you enjoy can boost your self-esteem. Furthering Your Education: Consider taking evening courses to improve your educational and skill set. This can enhance your personal and professional life. Improving Career Prospects: Set career goals and work towards them. Developing your career can contribute to your overall sense of self-worth and happiness.

These skills are much more conducive to a healthy relationship. The more self-sufficient and content you are, the more likely your relationship will be stable and fulfilling.

Remember that your well-being and personal growth should be a priority. When you feel confident and secure in yourself, it can positively impact your relationships, making them stronger and more fulfilling.