Pride and Assistance: A Personal Reflection

In my life, I've been too poor for a significant portion of it, with children who always needed more than I could afford. Despite the struggles, I have been very grateful for the assistance I've received, both from charitable sources and from family and friends. Most of my furniture, for instance, is second-hand from charity shops, and some items were given by my mother or acquired from ex-husbands. Even some things were found in skips. Despite these shortcomings, I have been fortunate enough to provide my children with everything they needed and most of what they wanted, albeit not always brand names or brand new. They were, however, always fed decently, clothed, warm, and safe.

The Weight of the Word 'Handout'

Words carry great weight, and 'handout' is a particularly loaded term. It implies a position of inferiority, which is why I prefer to use the word 'assistance.' I do not accept assistance because I am very fortunate not to need it, and I recognize that many others do not have the same luck. At some point in their lives, many people will need to rely on some form of assistance. Unless you've walked in their shoes, you should not judge them, and remember that someday it could be you.

Pride and Reparation

Pride comes from what we did, not how we obtained something. As I pride myself in my comfortable and practical home, I focus on the path I took to get there, rather than what I have. I am not ashamed to accept help, provided that it is genuinely offered and comes with the understanding that I will repay in kind. If I owe something to a friend or family member, I ensure that I return the favor, and this sense of repayment aligns with my belief in giving back.

Thoughts on Accepting Handouts

I do not understand the connection between accepting handouts and pride. If someone depends on others, it is understandable and even necessary to accept help. However, if someone offers help, it would be foolish not to accept it. Refusing assistance can be seen as stubbornness or pride, which can hinder personal growth and the fostering of longstanding relationships. I believe in taking things offered with sincerity and repaying them appropriately, whether that be through labor, financial support, or another form of assistance.

The Buddhist Mindset on Giving

Buddhists believe that by helping others, one gains good karma. I try to think of it in the same way, focusing on the positive impact that assistance can have on the lives of those in need. Whether for spiritual or practical reasons, accepting assistance should not be viewed as a sign of weakness but as an opportunity to grow and to help others in return.

Peer Perception and Assistance

Peer perception also plays a role in accepting handouts. If I don’t know you very well, I don’t take a handout out of a general suspicion of owing people. If the person offering the assistance is family or a significant other, I am more likely to accept and repay them. However, with friends, I am usually hesitant. While pride can be a factor, suspicion often plays a more significant role in my reluctance to accept help. It is a complicated balance, and I strive to maintain a sense of integrity and responsibility in every interaction.

Conclusion

Ultimately, the decision to accept assistance is a personal and nuanced one, influenced by trust, pride, and the desire to give back. While sentiment and situation play a role in my decisions, I prioritize the goodwill and sincerity of the offer. Accepting assistance can strengthen relationships and build trust, and it should never be seen as a personal failing. Instead, it should be recognized as a positive step towards mutual support and growth.