Should You Attend a Family Wedding When You Don’t Feel Like It?

Deciding whether to attend a family wedding can be a personal choice and depends on various factors. The decision often hinges on your relationship with the bride or groom, your family dynamics, and your personal feelings. Here are some points to consider to help you make an informed decision.

Family Dynamics

Family connections are often crucial, and attending a cousin's wedding can strengthen these ties even if you’re not close with that particular cousin. Family gatherings are rare opportunities to reconnect and engage in long-lost traditions. While you may not have direct contact, the act of being present at a significant family event can foster a sense of belonging and maintain the familial bond.

Social Obligations

Some people feel a sense of obligation to attend family events, especially weddings, as part of their social etiquette. Understanding and respecting social norms is important, but ultimately, the decision should align with your personal comfort and values. If you feel that attending would be a positive experience and help preserve family relationships, it may be worth going. Conversely, if a wedding feels like a burden or doesn't align with your priorities, it’s perfectly acceptable to decline.

Personal Feelings

Reflect on why you don’t want to go. Is it due to discomfort, a busy schedule, or other personal reasons? Understanding your true feelings is crucial. If the reason is a lack of desire or discomfort, consider your priorities and the value you place on spending time with this extended family member. If attending would exacerbate your discomfort or stress, it might be better to stay home and focus on your well-being.

Future Relationships

Attending can open the door to reconnecting with other family members, which can be beneficial in the long run. Even if you don’t feel particularly close to the bride or groom, the opportunity to connect with other cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents might enrich your family experience. Maintaining these relationships can be valuable in preserving a sense of family identity and continuity.

Gift or Gesture

If you decide not to attend, sending a card or a gift can still show your support and acknowledgment of the event. This gesture can help reassure the family that you care, even if you’re not physically present. For many, the thought and effort put into a thoughtful gift or note can be as meaningful as being there in person.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, it’s about what feels right for you. If you think attending would be a positive experience and help nurture your family relationships, it might be worth going. If not, it’s completely acceptable to skip it. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself and respect your own boundaries.

Would I go? Quite possibly. Do I think you should go? No, that’s up to you. If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to. The only requirement is to reply to the invitation promptly and politely. In other words, say you have other plans or are unable to attend. Don’t say you ‘don’t feel like going.’ If you do decide to send a gift or a card, that would be a nice gesture but again, it’s not obligatory.

My only concern would be that if you attended her siblings' weddings but not hers, it could be seen as a deliberate slight. However, if you weren’t close, I wouldn’t feel obligated. Sometimes, people send out invites because they feel obligated and don’t want to offend. They may not feel hurt if you don’t accept.

Life is short. I refuse to spend mine worrying about people and their feelings when they don’t particularly worry about mine. So, if she is not a close family member or favorite cousin and you don’t have a desire for her to come, don’t go!

You can send a gift or not—you don’t need permission to act on your feelings of not wanting to go. On the other hand, put yourself in her shoes. If you were the one marrying and sending out invitations, what would you want her to do? Would you care, be hurt, or be okay with her not coming?