What If All MS-13 Gangs, Crips, Bloods, and the Mafia Invaded Area 51 - A Fictional Warfare Scenario

Area 51, a restricted U.S. Air Force facility, is known for its classified missions involving experimental aircraft and technology. The idea of various notorious street gangs and criminal organizations invading it is intriguing but highly improbable. Let's explore this hypothetical scenario and assess the potential outcomes based on the characteristics of these groups.

The Original Scenario

Imagine an invasion of Area 51 on a Sunday morning. Initially, the only resistance would come from two patrol vehicles stationed to cover the entire perimeter. Without a coordinated defense, it seems that the Crips, known for their intense street warfare, would likely handle the MS-13 gang members. Meanwhile, the Bloods, with an eye for profit, would loot the gift shop and commissary, as long as they did not take more than $950 worth of merchandise each. Nobody would interfere with this looting spree, suggesting a relatively peaceful environment amidst the chaos.

Realistic Assumptions and Involvement

The Italian American Mafia

Let's now examine the involvement of the Italian American Mafia, also known as the Cosa Nostra. In this scenario, the Mafia would likely not participate in the invasion. Their primary motive is profit, and attacking a U.S. military installation offers none. The Mafia is a highly organized and ruthless business, but their main rule is to avoid confrontation with the federal government, as it brings too much heat and little gain. Therefore, no Don (boss) would authorize such an action, given the potential repercussions.

African American Street Gangs (Crips and Bloods)

The Crips and Bloods are also unlikely to engage in such an assault. Although these groups are criminal and often violent, they are equally aware of the risks involved. There is no profit to be gained from attacking a U.S. military base, especially considering the potential consequences. Instead, they focus on maintaining their turf and avoiding unnecessary conflicts.

Latino MS-13

Similarly, the MS-13 gang would also be hesitant to participate, unless they were offered a substantial sum of money. MS-13 is known for its territorial disputes and violent activities, but attacking a secure military installation is not in their best interest. They prefer to focus on their operations in urban areas and may see an invasion as an irresponsible endeavor.

The Intriguing 'What If' Scenario

The Charismatic Two-Headed Man and His Ship

What if, again against all probability, a charismatic two-headed man offered a solid gold sperm whale on a trailer, saying, "This is yours if you attack that base and get my damn ship back"? It might sound like a tempting offer, but reality paints a different picture. The security arrangements at Area 51 are top-secret and likely include armed patrols in camouflage uniforms without any specific insignia or emblems. These guards have previously killed individuals who posed a threat, and their aggressive nature is well-documented.

Furthermore, active military bases in the vicinity are equipped with armed combat vehicles and air assets. The presence of these resources would make it highly improbable for any invaders to succeed. The local military and security forces would respond swiftly to any breach of security, ensuring a quick and decisive counterattack.

While the invaders might gain a momentary advantage or loot the gift shop, the overall outcome would likely be disastrous. The coordinated military response, armed patrols, and potential air support would make it a quixotic and harmful endeavor. The protagonists in this scenario, 'Ol’ Zaphod,' would have a slim chance of reclaiming their ship.

In conclusion, while the scenario presents an interesting narrative, the reality of area security, the motivations of involved parties, and the potential military response make such an invasion highly improbable and deadly.