Why Don't Narcissists Follow Rules?

In the complex world of human behavior, few individuals exhibit the paradoxical nature of the narcissist as clearly as those who defy rules and guidelines imposed by society. Narcissists often expect others to follow the rules, even as they themselves flout these very rules with impunity. This article explores the reasons behind this curious phenomenon, shedding light on the deep-seated psychological traits and behaviors of narcissistic individuals.

Understanding Narcissism

A narcissist is someone who possesses a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a belief in their own superiority, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. They often view themselves as untouchable, entitled, and above the laws that govern everyone else. A narcissist's behavior is characterized by manipulation, the pursuit of personal gain, and a disregard for the rights and feelings of others.

Narcissists and the Non-Application of Their Own Rules

One of the most striking aspects of narcissistic individuals is their ability to set rules and boundaries for others, while disregarding these very same rules themselves. Narcissists don't see rules as the framework for orderly behavior but as obstacles to their self-important agendas. For instance:

They might advise their partner to stop frequenting clubs but engage in similar activities themselves. They might instruct someone to limit communication with certain friends, yet maintain close bonds with their own acquaintances. They might dictate dietary choices but indulge in their favorite foods without hesitation.

This behavior is rooted in the narcissist's sense of entitlement and desire to control every aspect of their domain. They often rationalize their actions by attributing their own bad behavior to the inherent flaws of society or others, thus maintaining their self-image as untouchables.

The Need for Control

Narcissists are not just rule-breakers; they are also control freaks. Their need for control permeates every aspect of their lives, including the lives of people who are under their influence. They may control:

What others wear. Where others go. What others say. Even what others think.

This need to exert control stems from their deep-seated insecurity and fear of being rejected or disparaged. By controlling the lives of those around them, narcissists attempt to maintain a facade of superiority and dominance. However, their actions often backfire, leading to resentment, frustration, and eventual backlash from the very people they seek to control.

Selfishness and the Focus on the Self

At the core of narcissistic behavior is a profound selfishness. Narcissists are preoccupied with their own needs, desires, and gratification. They seek to maximize their own benefit at the expense of others. This is why they can't adhere to rules or guidelines that do not align with their self-interest. They are more focused on their own agenda than on the well-being of others or the functionality of social systems.

The Game of Control

The relationship between a narcissist and those who are under their influence can be described as a game of control. In this game, there are no winners. The narcissist may expect their partner to cheat as they do, but the act of cheating is rooted in a vain attempt to level the playing field. The aim is not cooperation or mutual benefit but rather to assert dominance and prove that one has the upper hand.

Breaking Free from the Cycle of Abuse

If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist who disrespects your boundaries and won't follow their own rules, it may be time to consider exiting the relationship. Establishing "no contact" and seeking a healthier, more respectful relationship is often the best choice. Narcissistic behavior can be deeply damaging, leading to emotional and mental health issues.

References to related reading on Quora and other resources can provide further insight into the signs and impacts of narcissistic behavior:

7 Signs You May Be Texting a Narcissist 10 Telltale Signs of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome 7 Traits of a Selfish Person

Key Points:

Narcissists set rules for others while breaking them themselves. Their behavior is rooted in a desire for control and manipulation. Their need for self-gratification overrides adherence to rules. Avoiding toxic relationships is crucial for mental and emotional health.

Understanding and recognizing narcissistic behavior can help in navigating relationships and avoiding the harmful effects of their manipulation. Replacing such relationships with healthier, more supportive ones is essential for a fulfilling life.