Narcissists and Affair: Psychological Unicorns or Manipulative Visionaries?

When the topic of narcissists and cheating comes up, it's often met with a variety of reactions—shock, anger, and disbelief. But is it accurate to say that a narcissist will be emotionally destroyed after being caught cheating? Let's delve deeper into the psychological aspects of such individuals and the realities of their behavior.

The Myth of Emotional Ruin

Many people believe that a narcissist who has been caught in an affair would be deeply shaken and emotionally ruined. According to the common misconception, they would feel like they've failed, as if they no longer meet their own unrealistic self-image. However, reality paints a different picture. The truth is that narcissists often view affairs as a way to validate their superiority and to control their partners. When confronted, a narcissist might deny any wrongdoing or project their own insecurities onto their partner.

Case Study: Projecting Fault

The term "projection" plays a significant role in understanding a narcissist's behavior. In the case of myself and my ex-partner, there were several instances where I found incriminating evidence of his infidelity. Instead of acknowledging the truth, he would label it as projection and unjustly blame me for all the misfortunes. For instance, when I confronted him using evidence like condoms hidden under the bed and messages, his response would be like: "You're projecting again. I'm the one who's always at fault!"

This is a classic example of a narcissist deflecting blame and maintaining control by making their partner feel guilty and responsible for everything negative, including the very act of their cheating.

Emotional Damage: Beyond the Affair

Despite the magnetic charm of being in a relationship with a narcissist, the emotional damage can be severe and long-lasting. While some might argue that a narcissist would feel destroyed after being caught, the reality is that their emotional well-being is hardly affected. A narcissist is adapted to a world where they are always in the driver's seat. Toppling their authority would not bring them down; instead, it would force them to reassert their control, often leading to further manipulation and abuse.

Healing from the Narcissistic Relationship

The journey towards healing from a narcissistic relationship is marked by learning the importance of setting boundaries. One of the most crucial steps is to say no to a narcissist's demands and to recognize that their behavior is toxic and abusive. Empowerment comes from understanding that you are entitled to your emotions and that you deserve to live a life free from manipulation and deceit.

For example, in my relationship, when my ex-partner tried to manipulate me into allowing his mistress to live with us, I chose to stand firm. Facing the reality of his affair and separation from him, he turned to depression as a means to grind me down. However, I knew that his depression was a tactic to reclaim the upper hand. Emotionally, he had no claim on my inheritance, and he certainly wasn't going to get one. The year-long battle for control ended with our divorce, not because of the affair, but because he couldn't manipulate me.

The key to healing is to recognize the patterns of abuse and to take control of your life. Saying no to a narcissist is not just a challenge; it is a necessary step towards reclaiming your emotional and psychological well-being.

Conclusion: The Dark Truth Behind Narcissistic Cheating

In conclusion, narcissists do not feel destroyed after cheating; they might feel the need to assert control more strongly. Their behavior is rooted in manipulation and projection, systematically designed to control and abuse their partners. Understanding and recognizing this can be the first step towards breaking free from the cycle of emotional and psychological abuse. Healing from a narcissistic relationship is a complex process, but it is entirely possible when you emerge from the shadows and into the light.

The struggle against narcissistic abuse is one that requires strength, resilience, and the courage to set boundaries. If you're currently in a relationship with a narcissist, remember that you are not alone, and there is hope for a better and healthier future.