Why Narcissists Need to Collect Every Detail on Everyone

Narcissists possess a compulsive trait to gather an extensive amount of information about every person in their lives. This is not done out of mere curiosity but for a very specific reason. They store this information to use it in their arsenal of manipulation, particularly if the victim decides to distance themselves. When a narcissist feels threatened, they deploy this arsenal, often utilizing personal tragedies as ammunition to break the victim's morale.

Manipulation Through Information

One of the most common tactics employed by narcissists is the smear campaign. By collecting detailed information about a person, they can create a profile deep enough to craft a false narrative that can be used to harm the individual's reputation. For instance, the author of this article, who had been in a relationship with a narcissist, was advised by her ex-partner that the recommended course of action was to ignore him and refrain from engaging in his games. He also made a false apology, which only served to exacerbate the situation. In her case, the narcissist blamed her for the rape that she experienced, shifting the blame to her and equating her pain with his own. She left the relationship, but the ex-narcissist still saw her pain as a reason to justify his manipulation.

Seeking Control and Security

Another reason behind this behavior is the need for control. Narcissists often feel a lack of control over their lives, so they compensate by controlling others. Their over-reliance on knowledge about others stems from this anxiety. They may feel threatened by the unknown and thus gather as much information as possible to feel secure in their lives. This is why many narcissists are insecure and sensitive to criticism because they do not have a solid foundation of self-worth.

A Selfish Perspective

It is essential to understand that narcissists have a very narrow, selfish perspective. They do not possess true empathy or genuine interest in others. Their conversations often revolve around themselves, and they seek opportunities to talk more about themselves in every interaction. As a narcissist, their sole interest is in their personal significance and achievements, making them poor conversationalists. They may claim to be interested in others, but in reality, they are more akin to a one-sided monologue where they dominate the conversation and refuse to listen to others. This lack of genuine interest in others' lives and experiences is a clear indicator of their selfish nature.

Unreliable Information

Narcissists do not rely on accurate information. Instead, they may guess or fabricate details about people, especially those they are gossiping about. According to many, the narcissist tends to make up facts and attributes of others, often exaggerating or attributing negative traits that may not exist. This distracts from the truth and feeds their sense of omnipresence in the minds of others. They see themselves as better than others, and by spreading false narratives, they can manipulate their targets into believing their claims.

Healthy Boundaries and Self-Protection

For individuals dealing with a narcissist, it is crucial to establish healthy boundaries and prioritize self-protection. Ignoring the manipulative behavior, cutting off contact, and staying away from their games are essential steps. Narcissists do not love and are only interested in themselves. They are not capable of genuine emotional connection or empathy. The only thing they excel in is mirroring and using this to manipulate others. Therefore, it is vital to avoid falling into their traps and instead focus on living a healthy and fulfilling life free from their influence.