Understanding Narcissists: Grief and Emotions - When They Leak

When a narcissist grieves, the emotional outburst tends to be haphazard and often seems foreign to others, simply because the typical patterns of healthy emotional response are not the norm. This article explores the grief and emotion of a diagnosed ex-narcissist husband, particularly his reaction to the death of a family pet and the subsequent difficulty he faced in recognizing and honoring the emotions of his children.

Grieving the Loss of a Family Pet

When the dog died, it was not just a pet to this narcissist; it was a member of the family. He grieved deeply and sat outside next to the grave in our large backyard, expressing his sorrow and sadness. However, when the children, also part of the family, wanted to join him, he instantly lashed out, unleashing a cascade of narcissistic rage. This outburst was a stark reminder of the true nature of his emotions and how he channeled them.

The Stand Against Emotional Invalidity

One of the times I truly stood up to him was when I confronted him about his denial of the children's feelings and grief. I stood firm and told him exactly how he was wrong. I wasn't afraid of him physically; though he was bigger and stronger, I had shown him that he could not intimidate me.

Thankfully, for the first time, he backed off and allowed the children to grieve on their own terms. It was a pivotal moment, and I was prepared to take the fight to a physical level if necessary. As long as I lived, I was not going to allow him to turn our children into cold, unfeeling replicas of himself. The physical threat was also clear; killing me was not a viable option for him due to his attachment to his freedom and the risks involved.

Understanding the Narcissist's Inner Self

While many narcissists may present as physically strong and physically intimidating, the truth is that they often have a delicate inner self. Behind the fa?ade of invincibility, toxic emotions such as fear, anxiety, and a profound sense of inadequacy exist. This might explain why a simple defense mechanism like a pet's death or a family member's grief could be so profoundly unsettling to them.

Narcissists are often emotional cowards who project their insecurities and vulnerabilities outwardly as a form of self-protection. By denying or invalidating the emotions of others, they manage to avoid confronting their own. During the incident with the dog's death, it was clear that the children's expressions of grief directly challenged his own unresolved emotional issues, leading to an outburst of anger and irrational behavior.

The Weight of Emotional Responsibility

For a narcissist, emotional responsibility can be a daunting and unfamiliar experience. They thrive on manipulation, control, and maintaining a facade of perfection. When faced with genuine emotions from those around them, particularly from family members, they usually react out of a place of fear and insecurity rather than empathy.

It's crucial to recognize that narcissists often maintain an emotional distance as a self-preservation mechanism. By denying others' emotions, they in turn avoid having to face their own. This is why standing up to them with true emotion and standing my ground was necessary, showing them that invalidating another's feelings would not go unchallenged.

Key Takeaways

Narcissists often react to genuine emotions differently, projecting anger or frustration when their emotional facade is challenged. Supporting those around a narcissist during emotional times requires a strong and unwavering stance, breaking through their defensive mechanisms. Understanding the underlying emotional challenges that narcissists face can provide insight into their behavior and help in navigating personal and familial relationships.

Understanding and dealing with a narcissist can be incredibly challenging, but recognizing their emotional patterns and standing up for one's own feelings is a crucial step in navigating these complex dynamics.